Karma is definitely real and she is in fact a bitch

I never really knew if I believed in Karma or not, until now. After the events that happened last night, I am fully aware of the wrath of Karma and how she thoroughly enjoys laughing in your pathetic face when she strikes.

Last night had the appearance of an average Saturday night for my friends and I in our boring ass town.  “On the contrary Mr. Collamer” that old bitch Karma yelled down from the heavens, booming with laughter, knowing what the young night had in store for me.

I was picked up at my house by Chris, one of my good friends, at about 7 pm. We decided to drive to the opposite side of town because we planned to hang out with our friend Eric, who leaves nearby. He wasn’t quite ready yet, so Chris suggested going into a local pizza joint because he was getting hungry, to which I agreed. Chris asked for a single slice of cheese, learning that they needed to pop in a new pie because they just ran out of ready-to-eat slices. We decided to sit down and wait a few minutes for his pizza, thinking it wouldn’t be very long. We waited a few minutes when, to my dismay, the last person I ever expected or wanted to see came inside.

With my back facing the door, I turned to see the new group of people that entered, the way that people do when they’re bored and  participating in everyone’s favorite game of  people watching. I immediately froze and was overcome with panic. My thoughts were racing fast as ever and in my head I was yelling “SHIT!” A girl that I had a thing with last summer that ended up falling out had just showed up. If this was the extent of the story then this would not be such a big deal, but that is not the case. This girl had texted me earlier in the week wanting me to hang out with her on the weekend. I said that I would, but in the back of my mind something was telling me to not get involved with her again. I actually made plans to go to Boston with Chris, Eric, and a few girls to see a comedy show, which ended up falling through a few hours before. I made a feeble excuse to this girl about going to my “Aunt’s birthday party” near Boston, which would have been partially true, but since we were staying in town it was a full fledged lie. Those never seem to work out in a person’s favor, as was the case tonight.

So to clarify the situation, I flat out lied to this girl about what I was doing and where I was going to be a few hours before. A few thoughts passed through my mind earlier in the day about the slim chance of her seeing me around because she lives in a surrounding town, but I brushed those away, thinking I would have to be extremely unlucky and  the chances of this happening are very low. Think again Matt !

What happened next is embarrassing and I’m pretty ashamed of myself, but in the midst of panic, I saw no other choice. After realizing who it was I knew I had to get out of there. I whispered to my  friend, “Gimme your keys, I have to get out of here.” He was freaked out as he looked around the place in confusion. “I’ll tell you after. It will be funny,” I said. He handed over the keys, and I headed to the back towards the bathrooms, eyeing the back exit. I pushed the door and it didn’t open. My heart starting pounding, hoping the employees didn’t notice me. There was a latch higher up on door above the handle that I had to undo and I swung the door open in fury. I ran out of there very quickly and almost fell because there was a set of three stairs connected to door that I was not expecting. I sprinted across the icy ground down the back alley because I didn’t know if I was spotted.

I hung out on the side of building for a few minutes peering around the corner making sure she was still inside. I ran to Chris’ car getting in, furiously starting the engine, almost hitting this girl’s car when I reversed it. I parked at a building next door, waiting over ten minutes for Chris to finally get his slice. I went over the situation in my head realizing how much of a douche and coward I was, but part of me was laughing at Karma, and how she had really got me tonight. Only this wasn’t the end…

Movie plans were concocted at the last minute after our Boston tripped failed miserably, although we still were unsure what movie we were going to see.  Chris came back to his car, smiling ear-to-ear, undoubtedly laughing about the situation that just occurred. I got out and hopped into the passenger seat, commenting on how I couldn’t believe what had just happened.  With much enthusiasm, I exclaimed that it happened for a reason and the only reason I saw the one person I was trying to avoid was to teach me a lesson. Lying is never a smart decision and divine intervention played a role in this.  Chris agreed with me and we began laughing at my misfortune, leaving me feeling stupid yet fully deserving.

We went to pick up Eric, stopping at the liquor store to pick up some “stuff”, referring to a fifth of Dr. Mcgillicuddy’s and two nips of LTD whiskey, when mentioning it to our two lady friends that would be accompanying us to the cinema. We picked up Aimee and Liv and made the decision to see the new comedy, This Is 40, starring Paul Rudd. The movie was about a couple that had approached the milestone of 40, to their dismay. Well mostly to the wife’s dismay, played by the lovely Leslie Mann who insisted in lying about her age because of the typical insecurities of aging adults.

Struggling with financial and marriage issues, the couple and their two kids go through some trying situations with a fair share of arguments. Striving to make health and relationship changes, things go awry as one would expect within a movie like this. Secrets about where their money is going and underlying issues with each of their fathers causes things to reach a new low at a birthday party celebration. Things end up working out in the end and the surprise of a new child changes their feelings for the better. Considering our low expectations for the movie, I thought it was pretty solid. I laughed many times as comedy was cleverly placed in what seemed like typical, yet depressing marital problems. I give this movie a 6.9/10.

Following the movie, I was feeling especially giddy having a great time singing along to familiar songs on our ride back home. We made the decision to partake in what I like to call ” high school mayhem”. This mayhem would consist of stealing people’s law ornaments because of the rush and fun that it created. This time, I didn’t run and take the item, leaving that job to Chris tonight. I haven’t participated in this behavior since my junior year of high school ,but we were bored and looking for excitement, naturally we decided to partake. We drove around for about fifteen minutes in a few familiar neighborhoods looking for something to get our filthy paws on. On Old Marsh Hill Road, we saw some shiny Christmas bulbs hanging on someone’s light post. Duchesne flung open the door and sprinted over to it as Harper drove away. Harper wasn’t executing this correctly because he drove about two hundred yards before having to turn around as Chris was sprinting down the road. He would be left out to dry if he was spotted. I made this known to Eric yelling, “What are you doing!!” among other things as Aimee and Liv chirped in, laughing simultaneously. We turned around and Duchesne made it further down the road than expected. Duchesne had swiped a red bulb and we all yelled as we inspected it.

We dropped Aimee and Liv back at Aimee’s home and were on our way back to Eric’s house, which happens to be in my old neighborhood. We arrived back at his house only only to find that Duchesne’s car had been broken into while we were gone. To our dismay, both of our iPod Touches had been swiped, leaving me me very angry knowing  that the  chances of us finding  the identity of the perpetrator was very low.

After  the initial feelings of anger and self pity, I began to see yet another appearance of karma, this time being almost instant. We had stole something, and then immediately after we realized that something had been stolen from us. It made so much sense to me, and that’s how I knew karma is a real thing and the events of that night were just there to teach me necessary lessons. Even though I hadn’t been to the one to actually steal the Christmas bulb, I was still in association and hadn’t been the least bit opposed to it. Not to mention my earlier direct lie which resulted in the pizza joint incident that happened a few hours prior. So karma was now cracking up at me and rightfully so.


About Matthew Collamer

22 years young. Adventure enthusiast. Aspiring travel videographer/filmmaker.

Posted on January 21, 2013, in Life. Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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